Top Ten Ways The Mafia Can Improve Its Image

10. After whacking guy, stick around to help with the cleanup

9. Appeal to the younger generation by changing spelling of "Mafia" to "Maphia"

8. Goodbye cement shoes, hello comfortable Pro Walker from Rockport

7. Rub out that annoying kid in the Dell commercials

6. Gala "Mafia Awards" ceremony hosted by Hollywood's brightest stars

5. New strong-arm tactic: take someone to the circus and then threaten to never take them again!

4. Oh I don't know, maybe stop killing everybody

3. Three words: Mafia Book Club

2. Don't just say you're dumping a body in New Jersey, say you're dumping a body in New Jersey -- home of the soon-to-be-world-champion Nets!

1. Every once in a while, make someone an offer they can refuse

Thanks to David Letterman on 6/5/2002